kylezy

I don't know what the flip is wrong with me lately, but I've been crying at pretty much the slightest emotion all week. But the happy ones only. I've been in an emo mood for the last couple of days, but the moment anything happy occurs, I'm all SOB SOB GREATEST THING EVER.

I was re-reading In Want Of A Wife by syllic earlier and it hit me all of a sudden how utterly, utterly meant for each other Merlin and Arthur are. Not just in that story, but in everything; in fic, in the show, in my head. Regardless of circumstance or merit, they're intertwined in such a way that makes it impossible for one to live without the other. That makes true happiness unattainable in anyone else's arms but each other's.

And it's not that this thought has never occured to me before, but the weight of it sort of pulled me under until I was wrecked with the gravity of it all, the enormity of such love.

And then I just felt really stupid because they're fictional characters, but whoever said hormones were supposed to make you rational?

So anyway, that set me off all afternoon, like a[n] [in-dire-need-of-a-mood-stabiliser] boss. Couple that with unnecessary repeats of my dead!Arthur fanmix and this fanvid of Bradley and Colin that rebbeile found, and today has just been flipping marvelous.

In other failings, somewhere in between being a perve and rejoicing that other people are just as pervy as I am, I forgot to thank lemniciate for coming up with a couple of the questions in the HARDEST POLL EVERRR (if you haven't voted, what, what, WHAT is wrong with you, you righteous bastards), after incessant nagging from me earlier that morning. SO THANK YOU, YOU MORALLY DUBIOUS WENCH.

Day 19 → a talent of yours

I am ridiculously skilled at self-sabotage.

After getting good grades all my life, with just one and a half years to go at school, I stopped trying.
I eat unhealthily and don't exercise.
I don't seek help for my medical problems and when I did get the guts to go in last year, I never followed his advice and referrals.
I've never had a proper job (the nannying and cleaning I've done for the past few years don't really count) and I'm getting to the point, if I'm not there already, where it's pretty much too late for me because who is going to want to hire the 24 year old with as limited experience as I have? Besides a call centre that is, but I won't work on telephones, I hate them.
I'm lonely but I won't go out and meet new people.

You know how I could fix all this? By doing the opposite. But making an effort. But god forbid I try.

I'd give anything for a rewind button.

I'm gonna disable comments on this entry because I'd feel awkward turtles about getting pity comments.

Now bed, as it is 3.30am and I have to be up at 8, boo visitors. Happy Valentine's Day, by the way, if you celebrate such a thing.